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Hitchhikers Guide to Flange Zoo
...and so the pandimensional zone known as "Flange Zoo" was correctly identified as the origin of the offending remark / the combined forces of the (insert weird noise) and the (insert equally weird noise) launched into attack / their fiery engines spat quantum toxins as they flew through space and time and finally POOMED through the great interdimensional flange which links all universes / and they juddered and rattled to a halt as they reached their destination / where due to a profound lack of understanding of the nature of the "Flange Zoo" they were turned into a (insert random strange surreal and possibly disturbing food stuff) and eaten by a Kitsune / who was then in turn eaten by a Tiger Gnome / who was then in turn eaten by a Lotan the Destroyer / such is life in the "Flange Zoo".
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2. |
Only in the Flange Zoo
04:35
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Only in the Flange Zoo
In the Flange Zoo / you will find / things are rather different / than in your earthly plane / which is full of madness and other things of disdain / oh oh oh oh only in the Flange Zoo / In the Flange Zoo / we don't have to / retune our set top boxes / we get our TV multi-dimensionally / from a very special bovine / with three udders on her head / pumps out 300 channels a day / subscriptions we don't have to pay / though we have a bbc / they are run by mutated bees / they always buzz please / we have no need / for your money / oh oh oh oh only in the Flange Zoo / In the Flange Zoo / we don't drink water / we drink spirit d'flange / we don't get drunk / we transmutate / interestingly frightfully interesting / oh oh oh oh only in the Flange Zoo / In the Flange Zoo / we don't eat food / we absorb nutrients through the nutrisphere / and if that doesn't work its forced through our pours / oh oh oh oh only in the Flange Zoo / In the Flange Zoo / we have no laws / but neither do we have physics / does strange things to us / it’s made by mutated pus / and we have no government / from the end of time we’re sent / oh oh oh oh only in the Flange Zoo.
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3. |
David Cameron Rat Lung
03:17
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David Cameron Rat Lung
Volvox / buttercup stem / cinnabar moth pro-log / cinnabar moth pro-leg / rat / rat / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / cinnabar moth / a cinnabar moth / Clegg is destroyed by a cinnabar moth / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / with volvox / they’ll transmogrify your soul / beware / beware / beware of / Miliband millipede / Miliband millipede / Miliband diseased / diseased with / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / with volvox / cinnabar moth / spider parts / and beyond / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / David Cameron Rat Lung / Rat Lung
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4. |
TGesticulated Knee
03:54
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TGesticulated Knee
Raaargh / Tiger Gnome / Tiger Gnome / Tiger Gnome / raaaaaaaaargh / TGesticulated heads / TGesticulated souls / TGesticulated heads / TGesticulated souls / TGesticulated knee from beyond the flange / TGesticulated knee beyond the flange / Tiger Gnome TGesticulated knee / Tiger Gnome came to be / Tiger Gnome TGesticulated Knee / Tiger Gnome TGesticulated Knee / raaaaaaaaargh / knee Tiger Gnome / TGesticulated Knee
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5. |
Pandimensional Hydraxes
06:16
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Pandimensional Hydraxes
Eleven species of hydraxes / from the Saturn moon / eleven species of hydraxes / hydraxes / hydraxes / from the Saturn moon / ungulate / ungulate / ungulate / the elephantids / the elephantids are trained for war / the elephantids are trained for war / trained for war / trained for war / the elephantids / trained for war / trained for war / the elephantids of ursa minor have a mobile nose / a mobile nose / that travels through the eons and communicates with the Flange Zoo / and the mobile nose says to you / tapiery, tape, tape, tape, tapiery / tapiery, tape, tape, tape, tapiery / these armour-clad survivors living in a hole / living in a hole / these armour-clad survivors living in a hole / living in a hole / with a backbone / a vertebrae-ah / a backbone / a vertebrae-ah / give me your vertebrae-ah / give me your vertebrae-ah / give me your vertebrae-ah / give me your vertebrae-ah to those that do not have them / those jelly creatures from Saturn / who live in the Flange Zoo / who live in the Flange Zoo / who live in the flange, flange, flange, Flange Zoo / eleven species of Hydraxes / from the Saturn moon / eleven species of hydraxes / hydraxes / hydraxes / who live in the Flange Zoo / you live in the Flange Zoo / you live in the Flange Zoo / you live in the flange, flange, flange, Flange Zoo.
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6. |
Bohemian's Paradise
04:22
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Bohemian's Paradise
Bohemian's Paradise / where dragons are born / and fairies go to die / and the dragons eat the fairies as their light seeps out / so the fairies become flames in the dragon's bellies / in their / Bohemian's Paradise, Bohemian's Paradise / where there’s never wrong nor right / and reprobates take flight / with the sprites that float / and float their boats / as they praise the flagstones all night / in their / Bohemian's Paradise, Bohemian's Paradise, Bohemian's Paradise / where ructions will happen / uncouth unclean, but never uncool / yes Demon Cats abide in this paradise / they hang out on street corners / flick their switch knifes / look at you / and check the time / in their / Bohemian's Paradise, Bohemian's Paradise, Bohemian's Paradise, Bohemian's Paradise.
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7. |
Creatures Down Below
03:06
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Creatures Down Below
Below / below / those creatures down below / those creatures down below / that’s where you’re going to go / to those creatures down below / down below / down below / that’s where you’re going to go / to those creatures down below / creatures down below / down below / down below / that’s where you’re going to go / to those creatures down below
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8. |
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Reticulated Armoured Clapping
(Unintelligible flangation) We are the Flange Zoo / we are the Flange Zoo / we are the flange / we are the Flange Zoo / come see our reticulated arms / we are the Flange Zoo / our reticulated arms / makes sounds that can only do harm / our reticulated arms / make sounds that only do harm (unintelligible flangation) we are the Flange Zoo / we are the flange / our reticulated jaw / our reticulated jaw makes a click you’ve not heard before / a click you’ve not heard before (unintelligible flangation)
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9. |
Alternative Rook
04:52
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Alternative Rook
The cosmic rooks use their own language although Flange Zoo provide the chorus in Human -English as thus:
Alternative Rook / Speak to us / Alternative Rook / Tell another story / Alternative Rook / Speak to us / Alternative Rook / Death will be your glory
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10. |
The Sound of Kitsune
03:02
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To hear the sound of Kitsune is to hear the chill up your spine when walking through a bamboo forest at dusk, knowing that the next day you will reach 'the killing stone'.
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11. |
Demon Cats
05:31
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Demon Cats
What do you do / if you think you've got a Demon Cat? / there’s just a few signs to look out for / it’s as simple as / that / if it starts drinking lamp oil / don't let them tell you / it’s because it’s made from fishes / this is a lie / quite vicious / it’s just one sign you might have a Demon Cat / if it grows a tail / too long / it’s just one sign you might have a Demon Cat / the tail may even split in two / just the tail though / not the whole cat / that’s a sure sign you might have a Demon Cat / if it lives over ten years of age / it may be because it’s been granted DEMONIC POWERS / that’s another sign you've got a Demon Cat / if it reaches over 8 pounds in weight / it may be because it’s been / devouring your children / raiding your mind / stripping you being bare / and other such things / that’s a sure sign you've got, in your homes, in your domiciles / a Demon Cat
(Demonic meows to out).
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12. |
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A Brief History of Flanged Time
Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock /Tick, Tock / A brief history of flange / a brief history of time / A brief history of flange / a brief history of time / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock Tick /Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock Tick / Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / A brief history of flange / a brief history of end-time / A brief history of flange / a brief history of end-time / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock / Tick, Tock
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13. |
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Meteor D2012-14 Approaching
It’s approaching / it’s approaching / it returns / D2012 / the asteroid / the meteorite / heading past the tiny yellow ball / that is your whole universe / it’s approaching / you do not heed the warning / the animals / the warning (animal WARNING sounds) / as it comes crashing at 33,000 miles an hour / towards entering the atmosphere / the atmosphere / hurtling to the earth / and the earth survives / this time / and the fragments burn / destroying mountains and cities / but the humans survive / out to the outersphere / D2012 / and the humans are free / to destroy themselves again / their own lives / yet out to the outersphere / D2012 returns 67 years / 67 years later it returns / and this time / there is no warning / no warning / no warning (animal WARNING sounds) / there is no warning / as the asteroid descends.
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14. |
Ages Through The Ages
03:16
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Ages Through the Ages
Ages through the Ages / oh the Ages through the Ages / of the Ages through the Ages / of the Ages beyond the Ages / beyond the Ages of the Ages / older than the Mesopotamians / older than the Greeks / older than the Myans / older than the Sumatrans / the Manchurians / the Alpha Centurions / oh the Ages through the Ages / of the Ages through the Ages / Ages of the Ages of the Ages beyond the Ages / beyond the Ages beyond the Ages through the Ages of the Ages / older than the Sages / older than the Stars / older than the Old Gods / older than the Canals / found there on Mars / oh the Ages of the Ages through the Ages of the Ages / oh the Ages through the Ages / the Ages of the Ages / beyond the Ages of the Ages / is the Age of / is the Age of / is the Age of / Flange Zoo
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15. |
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This is the only known incident of direct contact between a human and the "Flange Zoo" words cannot be expressed as to the gravity of this
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Flange Zoo London, UK
Flange Zoo: a troop of musical mythical animals who first manifest on 1st April 2012. Crypto-zoological fiends making full
use of multi-effects, stylophones, rolands, and other amplified interferences. Search for The Flange Zoo Bestiary @ www.lulu.com
Flange Zoo are Tiger Gnome (Calum F. Kerr) and Lotan the Destroyer (Phillip Raymond Goodman) and from 2012-2018 Kitsune Tsukai (Miyuki Kasahara)
... more
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